On Saturday afternoon, I sat with the parents of Nicota who were struggling to come to terms with the tragic loss of their son.  The only scripture that came to my mind was the shortest verse in the Gospels which is in John’s Gospel 11:35 – “Jesus Wept”.  That family is facing inconsolable grief coming to terms with Nicota’s very untimely death and that won’t change for a long time.  Sitting with those good but suffering people on Saturday, I felt helpless.  Given that I have been in that situation too many times before, I knew that nothing I was going to say or do was going to ease their pain. But, I hope, being there, was something.  Each of us has to work out how to deal with suffering.  My younger brother, Tim, not long before he died, gave me a book to read entitled, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”.  Interestingly, it wasn’t entitled, ‘Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People’ but ‘When…’  It’s a great little book.  One of the lines that caught my attention was some wisdom shared by its Jewish author, Harold Kushner, when he quoted Rabbi Mendel who once said, “Human beings are God’s language”.  That is, when we cry out to God in our anguish, God responds by sending people.  Doctor and Nurses and Paramedics who work tirelessly to make us whole.  Friends sit with us and share a coffee, hold our hand without speaking and without trying to explain away our pain or diminish it be telling us that other people have it worse. Strangers perform random acts of kindness.  As we all pray for Nicota’s family, let’s pray that they will feel surrounded by love, friends, family and strangers who will just be able to sit and, when they are able, help them to take the next faltering step forward. 

Personally, I refuse to believe in a God, as I once may have, who would send any of us suffering to try us or punish us.  Suffering is a part of the human condition and God promises only to walk with us and hopefully, encourage others to reach out when we are need.  May that God, embrace Nerissa, Warren, Rowel and their wider family.

Nicota came to Shalom in Year 7 and it was a big change for him.  It took him quite a while to settle into Shalom and he certainly had his ups and downs in his early days. But he did settle.  On Saturday, Mr Crowley, Nicota’s PC teacher in Hogan 1, shared with his parents that Nicota played a really positive and significant part in the life of their PC.  He made others laugh.  Nerissa also told me that at one point when Nicota was in Year 9, he came to her and thanked her so much for sending him to Shalom and making him get through those early days. He loved being at Shalom.

I know every parent in our community and beyond will feel the pain that Nicota’s parents, Warren & Nerissa feel.  Losing a child is the worst nightmare of any parent.  The lives of our children are precious and they are vulnerable.  Young men, the data would tell us, are more likely not to reach out to someone else when they are feeling low.  Bloody male masculinity!  We do so much more now with our young men and our young women to support, prod, encourage and cajole them to believe that it is perfectly OK not to feel OK all the time.  Sometimes, every one of us needs to be brave enough to ask for help.  ‘Are you OK?’ is so much more than a slogan. And, added to that, we all need to have the courage to answer that question with a ‘No, I’m not’.  I know, like me, every parent in the Shalom community will hug their kids a little tighter tonight and try and remind each of them that nothing that they will do or think, ever, is too much to share. 

Year 11 will head off for their Retreat to the Sunshine Coast on Wednesday.  Hopefully, this will be a great chance for them to reflect on life with all its joys and sorrows as well as assist them moving forward confidently into the future.  It is always a highlight of the year.

Core Studies Showcase – I hope many parents will find time to drop into the College to share some of the learnings their daughters and sons have discovered in this annual event on Thursday.

Mr Dan McMahon
Principal
mcmahond@shalomcollege.com